I woke up at 4am and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’m starting to think that the increasing frequency with which this has been happening over break is directly and totally related to the increasing amount of bum that I have become in these past few weeks. My brain has been overwhelmed with too much rest. (I know, a rare complaint.) With the past year having been absolutely crazy and difficult for more reasons than one, I really did need and appreciate the rest I have been able to take advantage of… until now. I feel my brain rotting. I want to learn something. I want to try something new. I want to do something that I can do guiltlessly only as a non-working, college student. If I had all the money in the world, I’d go backpacking through Eastern Europe or something. I was thinking about maybe picking up a GRE/GMAT prep book, but when I looked at a sample math question, I realized that I am incapable of basic algebra. Just kidding, but not really(?) But more importantly, I realized that I don’t know what I want to do with my life upon graduating. Do I want to work? Do I want to continue school? What about piano? Too many uncertainties, questions I can’t answer, questions I wish someone would answer for me. I wish God could just show me blatantly, “Sooky, this is what I want you to do,” so I can walk full speed ahead in that direction without any hesitation or doubt. Too much time is a bad thing. I like it when I’m overwhelmed with work, when I’m being pulled left and right, (given, I complain about it when I’m in the midst of that), because then, you just tackle whatever comes your way one by one. Thinking about the greater picture, the future and all its vagueness, drives me crazy. Why does everyone else but me have their lives figured out? I feel incompetent.
On a lighter note, my gramps & aunt are here for a few weeks! Excited to spend some time with the family.
And also, I’m really really really excited for the Olympics.